You can.
You could.
You won't.
I guess that's it. Good night.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, December 5, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Ain't No Trip To Paris Gonna Fix
Lately I've been thinking
I don't care if I live or if I die
You say, "Let's go to Paris, babe.
Forget about your troubles in the sky."
Some things you can mend with glue or tie with bits of string
Others you can try your best, but it won't do a thing
Now you know that I love you
You're the only thing I ever miss
But something in me's breaking, babe
That ain't no trip to Paris gonna fix
Lately I've been wondering,
"What's the point of living anyway?"
You bring me twelve pink roses
Say they help to melt the blues away
Something in me now has turned a darker shade than that
And it's so hard to fade a stain once it's gone to black
Now you know that I love you
You're the only thing I ever miss
But something in me's aching, babe
That ain't no dozen roses gonna fix
Lately I've been wishing
For all these hopeless thoughts to leave my mind
You say, "Let's go to Paris, babe.
You can leave your worried head behind."
Well, I have tried to outrun other sorrows in my past
Funny how those demons have a way of coming back
Now you know that I love you
You're the only thing I ever miss
But something in me's dying, babe
That ain't no trip to Paris gonna fix
Something in me's dying, babe
That ain't no trip to Paris gonna fix
-- Michelle Lewis, "Paris"
Monday, April 11, 2011
Threshold
Whatever doesn't kills you doesn't make you stronger.
It only makes you harder.
It's that, or death.
So . . . at what point is death the better option?
'Cause this isn't living.
This is persevering.
This is one failed attempt after another to find a viable alternative . . . and it only feels like delaying the inevitable.
It only makes you harder.
It's that, or death.
So . . . at what point is death the better option?
'Cause this isn't living.
This is persevering.
This is one failed attempt after another to find a viable alternative . . . and it only feels like delaying the inevitable.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Wrath of Sandburg
SUBJECT:I call shenanigans on you!
You don't belong here? "I'm stubborn, willful, wily, overeager, passionate, perverse and independent. I am oftentimes skeptical, but I am never jaded. I have a big heart, a merciless logic, a sharp wit and a strong compulsion to fight for what's fair. I was born at the right time in the wrong generation. I stay awake too late because I believe that nothing ever gets solved in your sleep. I suffer from wanderlust."
Clearly you are Chicago. In fact, that sounds like this generation's Carl Sandburg!
http://carl-sandburg.com/chicago.htm
B!
============================================
B.,
It would be nice to be this generation's Sandburg, but I don't think the Chicago of today can even come close to matching the badassery of his Chicago. In fact, I'm willing to bet that if Sandburg were alive to see what this city has become, he would catch a cab to Addison & Clark, get off at the corner and just start punching. He'd be throwing haymakers left and right and slowly, methodically work his way south to Rush Street before hopping the Blue Line over to Wicker Park to wreak further havoc.
Justin
============================================
I like that mental image quite a bit. But even with the rampant douchebaggery in this city, I still think it is one of kind and could collectively kick the ass of any other city out there.
But I am still going to visualize Sandburg throwing haymakers left and right as he makes his way south. That man would definitely hate popped collars.
B.
============================================
'Tis a truly magnificent city that can both nurture and abide the hideous Wrath of Sandburg.
Justin
You don't belong here? "I'm stubborn, willful, wily, overeager, passionate, perverse and independent. I am oftentimes skeptical, but I am never jaded. I have a big heart, a merciless logic, a sharp wit and a strong compulsion to fight for what's fair. I was born at the right time in the wrong generation. I stay awake too late because I believe that nothing ever gets solved in your sleep. I suffer from wanderlust."
Clearly you are Chicago. In fact, that sounds like this generation's Carl Sandburg!
http://carl-sandburg.com/chicago.htm
B!
============================================
B.,
It would be nice to be this generation's Sandburg, but I don't think the Chicago of today can even come close to matching the badassery of his Chicago. In fact, I'm willing to bet that if Sandburg were alive to see what this city has become, he would catch a cab to Addison & Clark, get off at the corner and just start punching. He'd be throwing haymakers left and right and slowly, methodically work his way south to Rush Street before hopping the Blue Line over to Wicker Park to wreak further havoc.
Justin
============================================
I like that mental image quite a bit. But even with the rampant douchebaggery in this city, I still think it is one of kind and could collectively kick the ass of any other city out there.
But I am still going to visualize Sandburg throwing haymakers left and right as he makes his way south. That man would definitely hate popped collars.
B.
============================================
'Tis a truly magnificent city that can both nurture and abide the hideous Wrath of Sandburg.
Justin
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Delilah
I ran into you by accident yesterday.
You looked stunning as always.
You had cut your hair.
Yet I was the one who suddenly felt so weak.
You looked stunning as always.
You had cut your hair.
Yet I was the one who suddenly felt so weak.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Run, Little Fox, Run
Dear Justin,
I've met someone I really like. I'm not willing to compromise it by coming to see you [this weekend -- 05/15-19!]. We both knew this was coming. I'm not your girlfriend and anything between us is conditional. Please be happy for me.
Jamie
05/13/2009 (6:17 AM CST)
I've met someone I really like. I'm not willing to compromise it by coming to see you [this weekend -- 05/15-19!]. We both knew this was coming. I'm not your girlfriend and anything between us is conditional. Please be happy for me.
Jamie
05/13/2009 (6:17 AM CST)
=======================================
Jamie(?),
To be honest, I had no idea this was coming. Last time I checked we were anything but conditional. Maybe not a couple, but there was a commitment. You can try to dodge this truth by coldly rationalizing our relationship in any manner that suits you best, but the fact remains that what you're doing -- and certainly the way you're doing it -- is simply heartless. Congratulations, you've proven yourself to be completely untrustworthy and totally incapable of loving and being loved.
I would call your bluff and say that this new flame of yours doesn't even exist, that it's just you getting cold feet all over again. After all, you've done this every time you've come to visit. Either before or after you feel this desperate need to bail, and this calculated, cavalier rejection of yours reeks of a blatant lie. But I won't dive deeper into it. 'Cause if you are telling the truth -- if there is a someone who magically appeared in the last month (i.e., from the time you started telling me that you LOVED me with all your heart, WANTED TO BE WITH me soon and absolutely COULDN'T WAIT to see me!), someone who would require you to cancel your vacation as well as compromise our friendship and the friendships of everyone you know through me ('cause that's exactly what you've done) -- it doesn't mean much anyway. And you want to know why it doesn't mean much? Because sooner or later you will fuck it up, Jamie. You're inherently self-destructive and, unlike me, most people won't give you the benefit of the doubt. So when you do get cold feet (and you will) and predictably follow suit by vanishing, that person will not make the effort to pursue you nor take you back. I'm the only one who's that stupid. I'm the chump who believed that you actually want more in life than perpetual misery and isolation. What I failed to see time and again is ultimately this is your decision, not mine.
Despite all your proclamations otherwise, you relish being the lost little orphan girl, Jamie. You absolutely can't stand the idea of being accepted, loved, appreciated, understood, cherished, doted upon, taken care of, respected. You will continually lie, deceive, betray and destroy just to keep the status quo in check. You're codependent on your misery because it's what you know best. It's human nature: if you don't challenge the status quo, even if the way things are make you utterly weak and stifle everything positive about you, nothing changes and, thus, everything is "safe." Sanity in familiarity, right? Laugh it all away, right? Laugh! Laugh at the absurdity or else the ugly truth about your ugly self and your ugly soul will overwhelm you! I guess you were right: I knew this was coming after all. But that still doesn't justify anything. That still doesn't sadden me any less. That still doesn't stop me from saying, Fuck you, Kit. Fuck you for being everything you say you don't want to be but choose to be anyway.
That said, we now have a money issue at hand. I bought that ticket on good faith that you would come see me. If you can afford to waste it, you can afford to pay for it. You owe me $207.20. If you're adult enough to squander everything we've worked for, you can finish the job by being reasonable and responsible and paying me back in a timely fashion. Prove that you have some ounce of respectability. I'm appealing to the rational side of you -- that cold, unfeeling, logical side that you use whenever you reject me. If that's the only part of you I'm allowed to communicate with, so be it. You reject me, you pay for that privilege. Fair's fair.
Last but certainly not least -- and I know this likely means nothing to you, but I feel compelled to say it anyway -- I love and care for you with all of my heart. And despite all the hurt you've caused me, I still believe in the best of you. I've been quite preoccupied this year overcoming a lot of heartbreak and baggage and trying to find people I can trust and love without worrying that they'll stab me in the back, but none of that hurt or doubt could eclipse my love for you. My love for you fueled my ambitions. It was my undeniable proof that there are still plenty of things worth fighting for, that it doesn't always have to end in pain and sorrow. You made me believe that WE could accomplish anything. But that's obviously never going to happen as long as your neurotic, sinister and ultimately destructive actions and attitude undermine our entire relationship. I don't have all the answers in life, Kit, but I do know that I deserve better than this. When you finally and fully understand the extent of how cruel you've been to me, you're welcome to apologize. Maybe then we can even talk.
Until then, I wish you nothing but the best as you continue to do your worst.
Devastated,
Justin
05/13/2009 (2:13 PM CST)
To be honest, I had no idea this was coming. Last time I checked we were anything but conditional. Maybe not a couple, but there was a commitment. You can try to dodge this truth by coldly rationalizing our relationship in any manner that suits you best, but the fact remains that what you're doing -- and certainly the way you're doing it -- is simply heartless. Congratulations, you've proven yourself to be completely untrustworthy and totally incapable of loving and being loved.
I would call your bluff and say that this new flame of yours doesn't even exist, that it's just you getting cold feet all over again. After all, you've done this every time you've come to visit. Either before or after you feel this desperate need to bail, and this calculated, cavalier rejection of yours reeks of a blatant lie. But I won't dive deeper into it. 'Cause if you are telling the truth -- if there is a someone who magically appeared in the last month (i.e., from the time you started telling me that you LOVED me with all your heart, WANTED TO BE WITH me soon and absolutely COULDN'T WAIT to see me!), someone who would require you to cancel your vacation as well as compromise our friendship and the friendships of everyone you know through me ('cause that's exactly what you've done) -- it doesn't mean much anyway. And you want to know why it doesn't mean much? Because sooner or later you will fuck it up, Jamie. You're inherently self-destructive and, unlike me, most people won't give you the benefit of the doubt. So when you do get cold feet (and you will) and predictably follow suit by vanishing, that person will not make the effort to pursue you nor take you back. I'm the only one who's that stupid. I'm the chump who believed that you actually want more in life than perpetual misery and isolation. What I failed to see time and again is ultimately this is your decision, not mine.
Despite all your proclamations otherwise, you relish being the lost little orphan girl, Jamie. You absolutely can't stand the idea of being accepted, loved, appreciated, understood, cherished, doted upon, taken care of, respected. You will continually lie, deceive, betray and destroy just to keep the status quo in check. You're codependent on your misery because it's what you know best. It's human nature: if you don't challenge the status quo, even if the way things are make you utterly weak and stifle everything positive about you, nothing changes and, thus, everything is "safe." Sanity in familiarity, right? Laugh it all away, right? Laugh! Laugh at the absurdity or else the ugly truth about your ugly self and your ugly soul will overwhelm you! I guess you were right: I knew this was coming after all. But that still doesn't justify anything. That still doesn't sadden me any less. That still doesn't stop me from saying, Fuck you, Kit. Fuck you for being everything you say you don't want to be but choose to be anyway.
That said, we now have a money issue at hand. I bought that ticket on good faith that you would come see me. If you can afford to waste it, you can afford to pay for it. You owe me $207.20. If you're adult enough to squander everything we've worked for, you can finish the job by being reasonable and responsible and paying me back in a timely fashion. Prove that you have some ounce of respectability. I'm appealing to the rational side of you -- that cold, unfeeling, logical side that you use whenever you reject me. If that's the only part of you I'm allowed to communicate with, so be it. You reject me, you pay for that privilege. Fair's fair.
Last but certainly not least -- and I know this likely means nothing to you, but I feel compelled to say it anyway -- I love and care for you with all of my heart. And despite all the hurt you've caused me, I still believe in the best of you. I've been quite preoccupied this year overcoming a lot of heartbreak and baggage and trying to find people I can trust and love without worrying that they'll stab me in the back, but none of that hurt or doubt could eclipse my love for you. My love for you fueled my ambitions. It was my undeniable proof that there are still plenty of things worth fighting for, that it doesn't always have to end in pain and sorrow. You made me believe that WE could accomplish anything. But that's obviously never going to happen as long as your neurotic, sinister and ultimately destructive actions and attitude undermine our entire relationship. I don't have all the answers in life, Kit, but I do know that I deserve better than this. When you finally and fully understand the extent of how cruel you've been to me, you're welcome to apologize. Maybe then we can even talk.
Until then, I wish you nothing but the best as you continue to do your worst.
Devastated,
Justin
05/13/2009 (2:13 PM CST)
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