Friday, May 8, 2015

Only Better Skilled

     I'm sorry to hear that your heart's been roughed up of late. I mentioned earlier that a long trip abroad is a good indicator of compatibility. Unfortunately, people tend to dwell upon what doesn't work rather than build upon what does. (I've lost two girlfriends due to similar circumstances; wherein I wanted to rely on my partner in these strange and foreign settings, their instinct was to shut themselves away and designate me as platonic coordinator/bellhop.)

     From what you've told me in the past, things have never been truly easy with your ex. I won't say you're better off without him -- that's always such an empty platitude -- but I will LOUDLY affirm that you deserve someone who won't make it so hard either. Someone who will communicate their needs, who will complement your personality, who will hold you up when you need it.

     That said, I'm in the same boat as you. I met someone at the end of January. We hit it off hot and heavy to the point where she wanted to move to Chicago to explore things further -- ***HER*** suggestion -- and I was completely on board with it because this was the first person I'd honestly felt crazy about in years. I arranged everything to make her transition to Chicago as smooth as possible . . . and then two weeks into her relocation [early April], she confided that her apprehensions had gotten the best of her. And rather than see if her fears would abate over time -- 'cause, really, we had only spent eight days living together before I was back on the road for work, and we spent most of that time attending theater shows -- she decided that she would just go back home. Another classic case (at least in my experience) of "I love you, and your passion, and your enthusiasm, and your dedication, and your will to get shit done. But I honestly can't fathom why you like me this much, so I don't believe you. I don't believe in you. I'm not sure if I ever will. I'm sorry."

      Of course, I know she didn't do this on purpose -- in these circumstances no one ever intends to break your heart -- but I'm still left feeling ineffectual. And more than a bit used. It isn't appreciated.

      There's an elegant adage that goes: 'Just because the rose died on the vine doesn't mean it lied to you while it was in bloom'. Even through the worst heartache, I try my best not to dismiss that. To think so otherwise would be to welcome the idea that you or I (or practically everyone) might have the worst taste in partners ever. But, no, these aren't sociopaths. They're just human -- fallible, stubborn, careless, short-sighted and seemingly prone to fucking up what could have been something truly great. Really, though, you and I are not much better -- only better skilled.

       Remember: it's not just what YOU bring to the table; they need to do their part, too. And they shouldn't have to be sold on doing so either. Emotional commitments shouldn't require a pitch or a signing bonus. You're awesome, I'm awesome; that should be more than enough. If any prospective partner can't see that, that's on them.

      . . . Still, doesn't really make the heart hurt any less, does it?

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