Only Better Skilled

     I'm sorry to hear that your heart's been roughed up of late. I mentioned earlier that a long trip abroad is a good indicator of compatibility. Unfortunately, people tend to dwell upon what doesn't work rather than build upon what does. (I've lost two girlfriends due to similar circumstances; wherein I wanted to rely on my partner in these strange and foreign settings, their instinct was to shut themselves away and designate me as platonic coordinator/bellhop.)

     From what you've told me in the past, things have never been truly easy with your ex. I won't say you're better off without him -- that's always such an empty platitude -- but I will LOUDLY affirm that you deserve someone who won't make it so hard either. Someone who will communicate their needs, who will complement your personality, who will hold you up when you need it.

     That said, I'm in the same boat as you. I met someone at the end of January. We hit it off hot and heavy to the point where she wanted to move to Chicago to explore things further -- ***HER*** suggestion -- and I was completely on board with it because this was the first person I'd honestly felt crazy about in years. I arranged everything to make her transition to Chicago as smooth as possible . . . and then two weeks into her relocation [early April], she confided that her apprehensions had gotten the best of her. And rather than see if her fears would abate over time -- 'cause, really, we had only spent eight days living together before I was back on the road for work, and we spent most of that time attending theater shows -- she decided that she would just go back home. Another classic case (at least in my experience) of "I love you, and your passion, and your enthusiasm, and your dedication, and your will to get shit done. But I honestly can't fathom why you like me this much, so I don't believe you. I don't believe in you. I'm not sure if I ever will. I'm sorry."

      Of course, I know she didn't do this on purpose -- in these circumstances no one ever intends to break your heart -- but I'm still left feeling ineffectual. And more than a bit used. It isn't appreciated.

      There's an elegant adage that goes: 'Just because the rose died on the vine doesn't mean it lied to you while it was in bloom'. Even through the worst heartache, I try my best not to dismiss that. To think so otherwise would be to welcome the idea that you or I (or practically everyone) might have the worst taste in partners ever. But, no, these aren't sociopaths. They're just human -- fallible, stubborn, careless, short-sighted and seemingly prone to fucking up what could have been something truly great. Really, though, you and I are not much better -- only better skilled.

       Remember: it's not just what YOU bring to the table; they need to do their part, too. And they shouldn't have to be sold on doing so either. Emotional commitments shouldn't require a pitch or a signing bonus. You're awesome, I'm awesome; that should be more than enough. If any prospective partner can't see that, that's on them.

      . . . Still, doesn't really make the heart hurt any less, does it?

Werewolves

Heart beats on the fault line
Of love and doubt and wasted time
I'm not here to show you up,
Break you down or change your mind
There's nothing we haven't burned
But still this fire makes no light and no heat
I have been around the world
Riding on the edge of something
'Til the dawn was weak

Come in, darling, stay a while
Stay away from God and thieves
There is consolation in the human failure of our dreams
Come around on the far side
Of hate and hurt and misery
With my arms empty
They wait for you like soldiers at war
Like the cross waited for Constantine

Come and let her hear
The werewolves if she wants to
Howling at the moon
Waiting for the sweet, embraceable you
Come and let her steer
Against the tide with sad, slow tunes
She might have a way out of here

You've been standing here a while
Down among the city lights
Shuffle through the bright streets of St. Petersburg
Summer white nights
And I just wanna hold you up,
Face pressed to the velvet sky
So you can hear heaven answer
Every question you've ever had,
Save the ones you wanted me to ask

Come and let her hear
The werewolves if she wants to
Howling at the moon
Waiting for the sweet, embraceable you
Come and let her steer
Against the tide with sad, slow tunes
She might have a way out of here
She might have a love to feel

She is running away
With the dust and bones of the last crusade
Reaching across these oceans and fields
With a silent sway
She is coming home on the last train
From this fallen kingdom

Come and let her hear
The werewolves if she wants to
Howling at the moon
Waiting for the sweet, embraceable you
Come and let her steer
Against the tide with sad, slow tunes
She might have a way out of here
She might have a love to feel

-- The Damnwells, "Werewolves"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e8rC8809u8