The following is an IM conversation between Justin Velander Holt & Kyle Ramos.
March 18, 2009 (2:50 p.m.):
Velander: Okay.
I'm going to say something.
'Cause it's ON MY MIND!
Kyle: DO IT
Velander: And I just need to just get it out.
Kyle: just tell me when so it doesn't get in my eyes
Velander: I REALLY, REALLY WANT TO SEE TILDA AND ASK HER TO ACCOMPANY ME TO JOSHUA JAMES TOMORROW!
She's just SO FUCKING COOL!
I will NOT!
I will NOT!
But I WANT TO SOOOOOOOOOOOO BAD!
Kyle: DO NOT
ask penny!
Penny would like that!
Velander: Penny's gone for Spring Break.
Kyle: man wtf
kit?
Velander: Denver
Hahaha. Kit?! I can't fly her out for a concert! I can't afford that!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
SERIOUSLY!
Kyle: do not do it
Velander: OH! OH! OH!
I got it!
I know WHO!
Kyle: who?
Velander: VERONICA! [Ed. note: Justin's ex-girlfriend.]
Kyle: yes
YES
AND MAEVE [Ed. note: Another of Justin's exes.]
Velander: I'll stop by her apartment TONIGHT!
At about 3 a.m.!
Kyle: and CHLOE ANNE [Ed. note: Kyle's ex.]
Velander: YES!
CHLOE!
I haven't talked to CHLOE in, like, A YEAR
And her new HUSBAND!
YES!
Kyle: yes!
Velander: THANK YOU, KYLE!
Kyle: good ideas!
Velander: WAIT, WAIT!
That's A LOT of guests.
I need someone to co-host!
KYLE!
COME!
Veronica, Maeve, Chloe, Marcus, Kyle & Justin!
OH. MY. GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!
That would be EPIC!
Kyle: throw zoe [Ed. note: Another of Kyle's exes.] in for good measure
Velander: DONE!
DONE!
DONE!
Kyle: I would hang myself
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Shout-Out in Savage Love
Well, it finally happened. Dan Savage added his two cents on my love life. No joke.
Savage Love
March 19, 2009
I've been seeing "Radioman" for a few weeks—the physical chemistry between us is amazing, and we have a lot of fun. He had a vasectomy a year ago (he's only 26), and for me this is a deal breaker since I want to have a family. The other surprise is that he is in relationships with two other women and the three of them get together and have threesomes. I am a bisexual woman recently out of a long-term relationship, and I am interested in joining this little playgroup. However, I met one of the other women recently, and she seemed jealous and upset. Radioman insists that she was just tired and actually likes me. I'm not so sure. Am I asking for drama by getting involved in this foursome?
Thinking Of Joining A Harem
Dan Savage replies:
Yes.
Here's the actual link for proof that I'm not making this up:
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=1177502
NOTE: Second letter. Scroll down.
I'm getting this column framed and later signed when he next comes to town.
Smile,
Justin
aka Radioman
Savage Love
March 19, 2009
I've been seeing "Radioman" for a few weeks—the physical chemistry between us is amazing, and we have a lot of fun. He had a vasectomy a year ago (he's only 26), and for me this is a deal breaker since I want to have a family. The other surprise is that he is in relationships with two other women and the three of them get together and have threesomes. I am a bisexual woman recently out of a long-term relationship, and I am interested in joining this little playgroup. However, I met one of the other women recently, and she seemed jealous and upset. Radioman insists that she was just tired and actually likes me. I'm not so sure. Am I asking for drama by getting involved in this foursome?
Thinking Of Joining A Harem
Dan Savage replies:
Yes.
Here's the actual link for proof that I'm not making this up:
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=1177502
NOTE: Second letter. Scroll down.
I'm getting this column framed and later signed when he next comes to town.
Smile,
Justin
aka Radioman
Monday, March 16, 2009
The EJS Doctrine
1.) I have a vasectomy. I got it in July 2008 as a way to ensure that I would not accidentally burden anyone with an unwanted child. Simply, I have zero interest in being a father. I don't want to adopt. I also highly doubt that I would ever get into a serious relationship wherein I would assume the responsibilities of a father. Yes, there is a possibility that my vasectomy can be reversed, but that would involve a lot of pain at great expense and there is no guarantee that I would be able to have children even if the operation was successful. This is why a vasectomy should be considered permanent.
2.) I do not hate children. I simply don't want any of my own, nor do I want the responsibility of raising one. This was not a decision I made lightly, and it certainly wasn't made in response to any particular childhood trauma, fear of failure or inherent selfishness. I have my reasons; I do not need to justify them to anyone. (However, I will happily share them with you in the interest of full disclosure as well as to exchange thoughts and feelings on the subject in a courteous, intelligent and non-judgmental manner.)
3.) If you are certain that you want children of your own someday, I completely respect your decision. However, I will never dictate the course of our relationship – be it friend, fuck buddy or long-term partner – based on the issue of parenthood. (This is only common sense; I am incapable of procreating, so it is no longer an issue for me.) Thus, if you do plan on having a family of your own someday, it is ultimately YOUR decision how our relationship will proceed. If my vasectomy is an absolute deal breaker for you, I suggest you bring this up sooner rather than later. This will save everyone a lot of grief and possibly hard feelings in the long run.
4.) If you use the fact that I have a vasectomy as a reason not to pursue a serious long-term relationship with me, you have no right to expect a serious long-term commitment from me. Do I genuinely like you? Yes! Would I still like to see you, share my time with you, enjoy your company and everything you have to offer? Absolutely! That's why I date you in the first place! Will I ever develop an emotional attachment to you? Of course! Vasectomy or not, I do not stifle the emotions I feel for someone. I am perfectly capable of even going so far as to fall in love with someone yet still respect the fact that we will never truly be together. As far as I'm concerned, the more intimate the relationship, the better! But, rest assured, I will never lose sight of the fact that you don't want to be with me for the long haul due to my decision. I both understand and respect your point of view, and I trust that you will not change your mind unless you tell me otherwise.
5.) If we are an ideal match, you're always welcome to change your mind about not having children and pursuing a long-term commitment with me. But please be sure about this. 'Cause I am. After all, I got a vasectomy at 27 after four years of serious deliberation. My actions are irrefutable proof that when I say I don't want kids, I really. DON'T. want kids. If I truly love you, nothing would make me happier than to be with you. But you have to be happy with this decision, too.
6.) Last but not least, I am happy to inform you that I consistently use condoms without complaint. Just because I'm firing blanks doesn't mean that I'm immune to STDs. I may have chosen extinction, but I have every intention of sticking around and enjoying my days for as long as I possibly can. Safety first!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
The Hard Sell [Text Version]
March 12, 2009 - 1:02 a.m.
Kit: Sleep well, Wolf. I hope your day got better.
March 12, 2009 - 1:05 a.m.
Velander: It didn't. I'm still really upset and saddened by all this. I miss you. I love you. I trust you. But I'm down. Real down.
March 12, 2009 - 1:11 a.m.
Kit: I wish I could be there to curl up with you and say everything will be OK but you're just going to have to take my word for it. I'm sorry for all the stupid drama.
March 12, 2009 - 1:16 a.m.
Velander: I understand your worries. I wish you were here, too. I wish I weren't such a hard sell.
March 12, 2009 - 1:25 a.m.
Kit: You're not a hard sell. I loved you within twenty-four hours of meeting you. I just get scared easy.
March 12, 2009 - 1:33 a.m.
Velander: I'm a hard sell b/c of how I feel for others. No one gives me a chance to give them my ALL. I give my heart to so few, yet most think I'm just building a harem.
March 12, 2009 - 1:36 a.m.
Velander: I know it stings to tell you about my feelings for others, but I trust you to understand. At least I hope you do. :/
March 12, 2009 - 1:37 a.m.
Kit: Well, you do make jokes about needing a harem manager.
March 12, 2009 - 1:42 a.m.
Velander: You know that's a joke. I'm talking about people willing to take a risk on trusting me not to steer them wrong. I'm not asking for the world. I just want good faith.
March 12, 2009 - 1:44 a.m.
Kit: What you're asking is for them to have faith in themselves and their own worth. That's a much trickier task.
March 12, 2009 - 1:51 a.m.
Velander: That depresses me. Severely. Getting a double dose in 12 hours was hard. Poor, poor me, right? The boy who tried too hard to connect. I feel so dejected.
March 12, 2009 - 1:53 a.m.
Kit: I'm not rejecting you and Tilda made the conscious decision to be your friend rather than run the risk with more.
March 12, 2009 - 1:58 a.m.
Velander: Both of you spun so quickly. It saddens me. It took all my will to drive home last night. And learning that you lied to me made me want to fucking bawl.
March 12, 2009 - 2:02 a.m.
Kit: I lied to you with the best intentions. I know that paved the road to Hell and I hope you can forgive me for that.
March 12, 2009 - 2:06 a.m.
Velander: I forgive you. I completely understand WHY you did it. It just saddens me that you didn't trust me or yourself. Same with Tilda. All this momentum, dashed. I hate it so much.
March 12, 2009 - 2:08 a.m.
Velander: I can only hope that it will all be okay. B/c it's certainly not right now.
March 12, 2009 - 2:09 a.m.
Kit: Cut your losses and fall into dreams. Tomorrow is new.
Kit: Sleep well, Wolf. I hope your day got better.
March 12, 2009 - 1:05 a.m.
Velander: It didn't. I'm still really upset and saddened by all this. I miss you. I love you. I trust you. But I'm down. Real down.
March 12, 2009 - 1:11 a.m.
Kit: I wish I could be there to curl up with you and say everything will be OK but you're just going to have to take my word for it. I'm sorry for all the stupid drama.
March 12, 2009 - 1:16 a.m.
Velander: I understand your worries. I wish you were here, too. I wish I weren't such a hard sell.
March 12, 2009 - 1:25 a.m.
Kit: You're not a hard sell. I loved you within twenty-four hours of meeting you. I just get scared easy.
March 12, 2009 - 1:33 a.m.
Velander: I'm a hard sell b/c of how I feel for others. No one gives me a chance to give them my ALL. I give my heart to so few, yet most think I'm just building a harem.
March 12, 2009 - 1:36 a.m.
Velander: I know it stings to tell you about my feelings for others, but I trust you to understand. At least I hope you do. :/
March 12, 2009 - 1:37 a.m.
Kit: Well, you do make jokes about needing a harem manager.
March 12, 2009 - 1:42 a.m.
Velander: You know that's a joke. I'm talking about people willing to take a risk on trusting me not to steer them wrong. I'm not asking for the world. I just want good faith.
March 12, 2009 - 1:44 a.m.
Kit: What you're asking is for them to have faith in themselves and their own worth. That's a much trickier task.
March 12, 2009 - 1:51 a.m.
Velander: That depresses me. Severely. Getting a double dose in 12 hours was hard. Poor, poor me, right? The boy who tried too hard to connect. I feel so dejected.
March 12, 2009 - 1:53 a.m.
Kit: I'm not rejecting you and Tilda made the conscious decision to be your friend rather than run the risk with more.
March 12, 2009 - 1:58 a.m.
Velander: Both of you spun so quickly. It saddens me. It took all my will to drive home last night. And learning that you lied to me made me want to fucking bawl.
March 12, 2009 - 2:02 a.m.
Kit: I lied to you with the best intentions. I know that paved the road to Hell and I hope you can forgive me for that.
March 12, 2009 - 2:06 a.m.
Velander: I forgive you. I completely understand WHY you did it. It just saddens me that you didn't trust me or yourself. Same with Tilda. All this momentum, dashed. I hate it so much.
March 12, 2009 - 2:08 a.m.
Velander: I can only hope that it will all be okay. B/c it's certainly not right now.
March 12, 2009 - 2:09 a.m.
Kit: Cut your losses and fall into dreams. Tomorrow is new.
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