Monday, March 16, 2009

The EJS Doctrine

The EJS Doctrine:

1.) I have a vasectomy. I got it in July 2008 as a way to ensure that I would not accidentally burden anyone with an unwanted child. Simply, I have zero interest in being a father. I don't want to adopt. I also highly doubt that I would ever get into a serious relationship wherein I would assume the responsibilities of a father. Yes, there is a possibility that my vasectomy can be reversed, but that would involve a lot of pain at great expense and there is no guarantee that I would be able to have children even if the operation was successful. This is why a vasectomy should be considered permanent.

2.) I do not hate children. I simply don't want any of my own, nor do I want the responsibility of raising one. This was not a decision I made lightly, and it certainly wasn't made in response to any particular childhood trauma, fear of failure or inherent selfishness. I have my reasons; I do not need to justify them to anyone. (However, I will happily share them with you in the interest of full disclosure as well as to exchange thoughts and feelings on the subject in a courteous, intelligent and non-judgmental manner.)

3.) If you are certain that you want children of your own someday, I completely respect your decision. However, I will never dictate the course of our relationship – be it friend, fuck buddy or long-term partner – based on the issue of parenthood. (This is only common sense; I am incapable of procreating, so it is no longer an issue for me.) Thus, if you do plan on having a family of your own someday, it is ultimately YOUR decision how our relationship will proceed. If my vasectomy is an absolute deal breaker for you, I suggest you bring this up sooner rather than later. This will save everyone a lot of grief and possibly hard feelings in the long run.

4.) If you use the fact that I have a vasectomy as a reason not to pursue a serious long-term relationship with me, you have no right to expect a serious long-term commitment from me. Do I genuinely like you? Yes! Would I still like to see you, share my time with you, enjoy your company and everything you have to offer? Absolutely! That's why I date you in the first place! Will I ever develop an emotional attachment to you? Of course! Vasectomy or not, I do not stifle the emotions I feel for someone. I am perfectly capable of even going so far as to fall in love with someone yet still respect the fact that we will never truly be together. As far as I'm concerned, the more intimate the relationship, the better! But, rest assured, I will never lose sight of the fact that you don't want to be with me for the long haul due to my decision. I both understand and respect your point of view, and I trust that you will not change your mind unless you tell me otherwise.

5.) If we are an ideal match, you're always welcome to change your mind about not having children and pursuing a long-term commitment with me. But please be sure about this. 'Cause I am. After all, I got a vasectomy at 27 after four years of serious deliberation. My actions are irrefutable proof that when I say I don't want kids, I really. DON'T. want kids. If I truly love you, nothing would make me happier than to be with you. But you have to be happy with this decision, too.

6.) Last but not least, I am happy to inform you that I consistently use condoms without complaint. Just because I'm firing blanks doesn't mean that I'm immune to STDs. I may have chosen extinction, but I have every intention of sticking around and enjoying my days for as long as I possibly can. Safety first!

1 comment:

Bobbie said...

Hey Justin....

I just wanted to tell you that I admire and respect your open-mindedness in relationships. If I could be just a LITTLE more open-minded about things (perhaps not to your level!), I think I would be a happier person. I'm going to take a cue from you a little bit. Thanks for sharing your perspective...