Monday, September 16, 2013

The (Not) Fadeaway

Excerpt from The Fadeaway:
When you practice being a decent person, be honest with someone who you’re interested in no longer, you will learn that it’s actually the right thing to do. And eventually doing the right thing will get easier, in dating and in your life in general. Honesty and being a good person actually catches on, so before you know it, the girls you are actually upfront with, will in turn do the same to their next dudes they’re not interested in, and so on.
My two cents:

If you're reading this, chances are that you've done this to someone at least once in your life (I have), or that it's happened to you (it has). Alas, these days (dates?) it seems like The Fadeaway has become a standard practice.

But we can change that. Right now. Today.

Not sure how? Well, here's a good rule of thumb:
IF you've gone out (or have gotten naked) with someone and are not interested in doing so again, and IF this very same person has ***THE GALL*** to ask you out again (UGH!!!), THEN SIMPLY SEND THEM A RESPONSE AND TELL THEM THAT YOU YOURSELF ARE NOT INTERESTED.

It's okay that things didn't work out. In fact, that happens A LOT in the pursuit of true love (or hot lovin'). But please be courteous enough to let the other party in on this key detail. Trust me, the vast majority of suitors are more than willing to respectfully let the matter drop once they are WHOLLY made aware that you're really NOT playing hard to get.


To clarify: When I say "WHOLLY made aware", it means that you are clearly and concisely rejecting them. For instance, "I'm too busy right now" doesn't cut it. It can reasonably be construed that you are literally too busy right now to date ANYONE. Is it really such a stretch for an interested person to assume that you might be swayed to go out again when life isn't so hectic? Is this person really overstepping their boundaries if they were to wait a month and then ask you out once more to see if you're available now?

In essence, be tactful, be sincere and, most importantly, leave no room for misinterpretation. (Another example: If you really don't want to be friends, don't put that offer on the table!) No, you don't need to give a lengthy justification for your feelings -- but you also don't have the right to be dismissive of theirs either. Simply, LET THEM DOWN EASY so that they, too, can get on with the business of getting over you (if required) and put themselves back out there.

This started an interesting thread on my Facebook timeline. Feel free to check it out.

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